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Let's get real for a few minutes. Yes, i love to talk about fitness and beauty boxes, i love posting reviews of boxes and products but there is also a serious side to why i started this blog. Mental Health. Those 2 words can mean many things to many different people, and it is my absolute passion to raise awareness and help to beat stigma. With that being said, the topic of today's blog post is one that is very near and dear to me.
Emetophobia. How many of you have heard of this, or know what it is? To be honest, i have been suffering with it for years without knowing the name of it until very recently. It is the fear of vomit. Now, i know what some of you may be thinking 'well, nobody likes vomit, it's not very nice' or 'nobody enjoys being sick, or cleaning it up'. And you are correct. However, it is not quite as simple as that!
Emetophobia (or as we sufferers refer to it, Emet) can manifest in a number of ways. Some people are only scared if it is them that are vomiting and others are only scared of seeing or hearing vomiting, not the act itself. It is very complex, and causes a lot of anxiety for sufferers. I am in a few support groups on Facebook (i will link these below) and there are far more sufferers than i ever realised! As soon as there is a sickness bug going round, the group goes into panic mode. It literally takes over your life, to the point where some people avoid eating out (to prevent the likelihood of food poisoning), won't go out drinking (in case they or others are sick), and will avoid anyone they know who has been ill, or around someone that has been (to prevent contamination). Some people will clean excessively to prevent germs and bacteria, others will only eat certain foods that they see as being 'safe'. It is debilitating, exhausting and terrifying.
My particular type of Emet centres around the act of vomiting for myself, and also being around others who are vomiting. I hate seeing it, hearing it and smelling it. I cannot clean it up and if i see it in the street, i have to cross the road as it makes me freeze in fear. I don't really avoid any places or events, but if i hear that there is a bug going round, i take precautions to prevent me from catching it. I prefer to cook my own food so i know what has gone into it, and i refuse to go back to Nando's, as i once got food poisoning from them.
In order to get a good representation of this phobia and how it effects others, i took to the support groups and asked them to give me a little back story on the phobia, what it means for them and how it impacts their life. I received an overwhelming response, so thank you all of you!
One of the responses was from a registered nurse, who prefers to remain anonymous. They explained how this phobia has had an effect on their career:
"When i first started my career as a nurse, a new elderly patient had begun to retch and vomit on the toilet shortly after being admitted. I mentioned to the nurse in charge that i had a phobia of vomit and her reply to me has never left me, even to this day. She said 'you're going to be useless if you can't stand vomit, there is no point continuing'. I was so upset and actually believed that she was right for a while. However, i noticed that every nurse had a particular aspect of the human body that they tended to avoid such as cleaning dentures, cutting toe nails, collecting samples of sputum etc. I could do all of these tasks with no issue. A majority of my colleagues had some sort of hidden trouble, and the more we opened up about it, the more we would just swap tasks to make things easier for each other. I think it would be comforting for patients to know that even we nurses have emotions and fears too. We are only human after all."
Another member of the group, named Rowen, described to me how this phobia impacted on her everyday life: "I feel like this phobia has an all consuming hold over my freedom. I don't drink, eat meat in restaurants, go on fair ground rides, i don't go to night clubs anymore, i don't eat past 7pm or 4 hours before flying. I avoid public transport and i always make sure i have hand sanitiser in my bag at all times, along with mints, anti sickness tablets and anti anxiety medication. I have researched how long it takes for my body to digest food and the incubation periods for viruses and bugs. I am also obsessed with my family's health, i am constantly looking out for any signs at all that someone is about to vomit. It is exhausting. I have, on many occasions, been so close to packing my bags and leaving to live on my own to reduce the risk of contagious vomiting. I dream about myself vomiting, i dream about being stuck in a room with others vomiting around me.
It has robbed me of my ability to be carefree. I have so much envy for people who have no idea how scary it is to suffer with this phobia. Many other phobias are just as terrifying, but the difference with emetophobia is that we cannot escape our bodies and brain. You can leave a room filled with balloons, or avoid places that may have wasps or even avoid velcro. But how do you avoid your own brain?
I would give anything to get rid of this phobia and try to have fun. It has been a hell of a long time since i had pure, uninterrupted fun".
This phobia can emerge after traumatic experiences as a child, but like most phobias, there is sometimes no reason why you feel this way, but it is all too real and all too scary. Treatment usually involves things such as exposure therapy and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which can provide people with the tools to deal with the anxiety behind the phobia. Medication is also prescribed in some cases.
Another sufferer, Chloe, got in touch and explained about the ways in which this phobia has affected her: "I pretty much diagnosed myself with this phobia by doing a google search one day to see if there were other people who felt the same as me. That is when i first came across the term emetophobia.
As far as i can remember, i was always an anxious child, i would get nausea and stomach aches before the first day of school, the night before a trip or pretty much any event, Sometimes i am so stressed that i actually throw up.
This is troublesome because when i am in a stressful situation, i feel so nauseous that i cannot function into my daily activities. I am stressed because i am going on vacation or just somewhere new, or something i am doing soon where i just have to be there (conventions, concerts etc). It is a vicious circle because i have the anxiety of getting into these new situations, therefore it makes me nauseous, which makes me more anxious.
Social events are very difficult as well because i don't want to be the annoying one that says 'can we go home, i don't feel well?' and cut off the entire party. Because throwing up can happen with little warning and immediately, there is no control over where and when it happens. I am so nervous about it happening in public, such as in an uber, at school or worse, on the street where there are no public bathrooms! I would feel so embarrassed if that were to happen.
I think if it actually did, it wouldn't be the end of the world and my friends wouldn't react as i think they would and i do try and tell myself that but because i don't have any control over my body at that time, it is hard. It's a mental battle with myself about letting go and saying it is ok to be sick in public!
If i see or hear someone throwing up (or just knowing someone is in the next room throwing up), i get so nauseous immediately. Everyday i make sure i carry anti sickness meds on me, water and a sick bag (which i have never had to use yet). I also always look up where the nearest bathroom is in case i have to run there. I have an app on my phone for the nearest public bathrooms if i am in the city.
Physically, do not eat a lot and i rarely drink. I would prefer to be hungry than to have heartburn. In all my life, i have never seen my mother throw up. I have seen my dad do it many times, from alcohol and also from food poisoning. My mum always handled myself and my sisters in these situations and i think this is partially why i am so anxious, because women are supposed to be strong and to take care of the kids and all that. And when you are sick, you cannot do anything. You can barely function as an adult, let alone having responsibilities such as kids! I don't have kids yet, before that happens i want to work on this, so i can handle it and not be scared to leave the house every time. At the minute, there isn't a single day goes by where i don't feel nauseous or that i might throw up."
So if you have been tackling this phobia for a while and, like me, didn't know there were others out there with the same phobia, or that it even had a name, take solace in the fact that it is more common than you think. I have been told to stop being silly and that my phobia (diagnosed by a professional) was not real. It may seem like a silly thing to be scared of, and from the outside looking in, i totally get that. But in the reality of it, when the fear grips you, it is so utterly terrifying that you cannot function properly. It is no less real than a fear of spiders, clowns or heights and yet, for some reason, there is so much more stigma around it!
If you are someone who doesn't suffer from Emet, think yourself lucky, but also, be kind to anyone you come across with this phobia. Ask them if they are ok, if they need anything. They may just wish to be left alone, but just knowing that someone is taking them seriously and not laughing at their 'stupid' phobia will mean the world. It still baffles me that people can be so terrible towards things they don't understand. So the next time you want to open your mouth to say something negative, don't bother. Because believe me, we will have heard it all before.
Here are the links to the social media groups:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/732242036808794/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/412853615474996/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/emetophobiasupportgroup/
